


How Lucky We Are

by thismidnight



Category: The Handmaid's Tale (TV)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Future Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-09 01:36:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12877410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thismidnight/pseuds/thismidnight
Summary: "You know I think about us. The three of us, what we could be. I think about it all the time."Moments of speculative domestic fluff with Nick, June, Holly, and Hannah, all sometime in a future where they've made it to Canada.





	1. Breakfast and Balloons

> _and when that morning comes_  
>  _i’ll make coffee and you’ll read the paper_  
>  _we’ll talk about our plans_  
>  _and i’ll keep saying how lucky we are_

 

“Hey,” Nick says, wiggling a baby spoon in front of his daughter. She sits in front of him in a high chair, not paying a bit of attention to her father, refusing to open her mouth to eat her breakfast.

“C’mon,” He says, shifting so he’s directly in front of the baby. “It’s peaches. You love peaches.” He tries to move in with the spoon again and he’s met with the same resistance, but this time it’s accompanied with little unhappy cries as she reaches one hand up and out.

“What?” Nick asks, dropping the spoon back in the jar. Sometimes this whole dad thing feels a bit like trying to drive a race car when all he has is a learner’s permit, and right now is one of those times. Aside from some early morning grumpiness, breakfast is usually an easy time. The only time he’s really ever had trouble getting her to eat, especially first thing in the morning, is when she’s sick. And then suddenly his mind is racing. Is she sick? She did sleep a little later than usual this morning.

“Do you feel okay?” He asks, reaching a hand out to touch the baby’s forehead, but she ducks away from his touch and continues reaching with her hand, her little finger now pointing at something as the whimpers continue. “What?” Nick asks. “What do you see?”

He turns around to see what has her so distracted she can’t eat her breakfast and notices the giant bunch of multicolored balloons tied to the back of a dining room chair. They’d had Hannah’s birthday party two days earlier and some of the decorations still remained. They had been in no rush to take everything down and he liked it, it made their small house feel even more like home, a pleasant reminder that he had a family now, that they all had each other.

“Oh,” he says, feeling like an idiot for not remembering the balloons were still there. He figures there’s no harm in her playing with a balloon, especially if he’s sitting there with her supervising. “You want to see a balloon?” He asks, setting the jar of baby food down on the tray of the high chair and standing up. The baby watches intently as he unties a bright red balloon from the back of the chair and brings it over to her, her face lighting up, a grin showing off the only two little teeth in her mouth as she reaches for it.

Nick laughs a little to himself, smiling, as he watches his daughter appear to carefully inspect the balloon, running her fingers over the smooth, rubbery surface and pressing her palms into it, seemingly fascinated with the way the balloon indents to match the shape of her little hand. After a few seconds, unsurprisingly, she accidentally lets it go and Nick has to reach out quickly and stop it from floating up to the ceiling. As he hands it back, she curls her fingers into the balloon and suddenly there’s a loud crack as the balloon pops.

He’s never been a jumpy person, but the pop is so unexpected that it even startles Nick a little and his jaw drops slightly as he sucks in a breath and braces himself for the inevitable wails of a scared baby. But as he looks at her, her little eyes wide, showing as much surprise as his, sitting with the broken remains of her red balloon in her hands, the tears don’t come. Instead she looks at him, and her own surprised face gives way to a smile as she starts laughing.

Nick’s expression changes to one of confusion as the laughs continue to come from his daughter, and as the shock of the popped balloon and her unexpected reaction wears off he can’t help but start laughing himself, her little giggles contagious.

“Why was that funny?” He asks her between his own laughs, as he takes the remnants of the balloon from her fingers before they end up in her mouth, tickling her as he does, making her laugh even harder and squirm in her chair.

He’s up throwing out the busted balloon, still laughing to himself, when June comes into the kitchen wearing one of his shirts, her hair still tousled from sleep, a smile forming on her face as she surveys the situation in front of her, Nick and the baby both still laughing.

“What was that sound? And what’s so funny?” She asks as she drops down in the chair vacated by Nick in front of their daughter, picking up the forgotten jar of food and offering a bite to the baby, who now readily accepts a bite of her breakfast.

“Oh, a balloon popped,” Nick says matter of factly, motioning to the bunch of balloons as he steps back over and stands next to where June sits, but she just looks at him like he’s poorly explained an inside joke.

“...Okay,” she says, still confused. “And that was funny?”

“She thought so,” Nick replies, making a face at the baby, causing her to laugh again before smiling down at June. Sometimes he can’t believe this is his life, that he gets to be here with her, that he has a family of his own.

“We might all need to go back to bed and get some more sleep,” June says, still not understanding the humor they had found in the situation. She shakes her head as she looks up at Nick, finding herself smiling back at him too. “I think you two need it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I like to escape the horrors of this show and imagine what life would be like for Nick and June if/when (God willing) they make it to Canada. This first chapter is something that popped into my brain as a dream one night and I had to turn it into this.


	2. Strollers and Paw Prints

“ _ Shit _ ,” Nick mutters under his breath as he loses his grip on a screwdriver, the tool falling to the floor and hitting the various screws, washers, and bolts he’d carefully arranged, sending them scattering all over the floor of the garage. 

 

He closes his eyes. He’s been doing this for an hour and a half now. None of the reviews he’d read for this stroller had mentioned how particularly difficult the assembly would be. He makes a mental note to mention that when he writes his own review as he starts moving around, collecting the tiny metal pieces in his hand. 

 

He’s lying on his stomach looking under the car, still on the hunt for any missing pieces, when he hears the door that leads into the house open. He turns his head to find June standing in the doorway, her mouth turned up halfway into a smile.

 

“Everything okay? I heard something fall.” She steps down into the garage as he sits up, dusting off the front of his shirt.

 

“This is a fucking disaster.” He stands up and opens his hand, revealing the assortment of hardware in his palm. He waves his hand at the stroller laying forgotten on its side with only one tire attached. “I’ve been out here an hour and a half and I’ve only gotten one tire on. And then I dropped the screwdriver and shit went everywhere. I’m probably missing something now.”

 

June smiles as she bends over and picks up a nut before stepping over and dropping it in Nick’s hand. “I told you we should have just had them assemble it at the store.” 

 

“It shouldn’t be this hard.” He drops the recovered pieces on a workbench before dropping to his knees, peering behind the table. “It’s a stroller,” he says, as he cranes his neck around the legs of the table, the hunt for any missing hardware continuing,  “all I’m doing is putting the fucking wheels on.” 

 

June steps up behind him, a smirk on her face. “I seem to remember not being able to talk you down into something cheaper and less complicated than this.” She glances at the stroller before continuing. “I still can’t believe it has a hand brake.”

 

He mutters something about car repairs being more straightforward before his head drops down, defeated.

 

“Great. Just perfect,” he grumbles. “Fuck this.” He stands back up, shaking his head, and June looks at him, puzzled.

 

“One of the screws is all the way against the wall. I’m gonna have to move the table to get it and…” he trails off, rolling his eyes as he shakes his head again, frustrated with himself.

 

“Okay,” June says, stepping up to him, sensing his frustration. She puts her hands on his sides, drawing his attention to her. “Why don’t we go back inside and you can finish this tomorrow?” He starts to object, but June shakes her head. “Nick, you’ll never get it done now, you’re too upset. Let’s go get dinner and then maybe you can finish it tonight.”

 

He’s still for a minute before finally, he nods. June smiles and leans up and kisses him quickly. “You’re cute when you’re frustrated,” she says, patting one hand on his side before turning to head back into the house, Nick following close behind her.

 

“Where are the girls?” Nick asks, as he closes the garage door.

 

“Living room,” June replies, stopping to wait for him. “I left Hannah in charge for a few minutes while I checked on you.”

 

“It’s quiet,” he observes as they both make their way down the hall to the living room, and as they come around the corner, the stillness makes sense.

 

Hannah sits, deep in concentration, in the middle of the floor, papers covered in smears of blue and yellow scattered all around her. Smudges of yellow paint mark her face, and her hands - both stained with blue - are carefully holding the paw of their dog, Rex, in place on a sheet of paper. His two front paws are also covered in blue paint and he stands still as a statue, his ears pressed back against his head - an unwilling participant - as Holly stands next to him on wobbly legs, her fists curled into his fur as she holds him for support. She’s also covered in paint, streaks of yellow stand out in stark contrast to her black hair and one of her hands is covered in it as well, the paint now matted in the dog’s fur where she grips him.

 

“Hannah!” June calls out, shocked, startling her and she jumps. She lets Rex’s paw go, but he doesn’t dare run away, the baby still holding onto him for support. Nick quickly steps up and picks up Holly, sensing the dog will make a break for it sooner rather than later. He settles her on his side as Rex finally gets his chance to escape, scattering out of the room and towards the back door, leaving a trail of blue paw prints in his wake.

 

“Rex, wait!” Hannah yells, jumping up and running after the dog, her art project all but forgotten. June turns on her heel and follows the two of them, leaving Nick standing in stunned silence, Holly watching intently as her mother and sister disappear in chase of the dog.

 

“Holly,” Nick says, bouncing the baby gently on his side and getting her attention. “What did you and your sister do?” She turns her head back to look at him, a smile spreading across her face as she presses her paint covered hand against his shoulder, spreading the mess even further. He smiles at her before quickly surveying the room.

 

“Well,” he begins, reaching up and using two fingers to try and wipe some paint out of Holly’s hair. Instead of helping, though, he makes it worse, smudging the paint even further and he sighs. “I was wrong.  _ This _ is a disaster.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!! I've decided to turn this fic into a multi chaptered thing where I can throw whatever random domestic future fluffy things that pop into my brain. I have a feeling this won't be the last. Anyway enjoy this latest look at what my dream future for June and Nick looks like. My good buddy Crystal sent me a list of five word prompts and I told her to pick whatever one she wanted and I'd write her something fun and mundane from our future June/Nick headcanon. The prompt she chose was "Great. Perfect. Nice. Fuck this." which I adapted slightly and then I also chose one of my own to try and work in, "This is a fucking disaster." 
> 
> A fun fact I wanted to work in but couldn't was about the dog we gave them. He's a german shepherd mix and Nick picked him from the shelter because they said he was good with kids. He let Hannah name him since he picked him out and she chose Rex, because she likes dinosaurs and the T Rex is her favorite. Nick is relieved at her choice, he was slightly worried she might choose something like Pancake, and he really couldn't see himself standing in the backyard yelling for Pancake to come back inside, but he'd have done it if it was what she wanted.


	3. Red Sox and Tigers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah wants to play softball, Nick wants to be the coach, they practice in the backyard.

“You think this is a good idea?” June asks Nick, picking up the bright green piece of paper from the table, looking it over. Hannah had come home from her swim lesson that afternoon with a flyer for softball little league practically vibrating with excitement over it. Some of her friends were going to play, and she wanted to as well.

 

Nick nods. “Yeah, I think it’ll be great. She’ll have fun.” He looks over her shoulder at the paper. “Maybe I’ll volunteer to be a coach.” June drops the paper down to her side and looks at him like he’s grown a second head.

 

“What?” He asks, looking at her confused. He motions to the paper in her hand, “They’re asking for volunteers.”

 

June eyes Nick skeptically. “You want to coach?”

 

“Yeah, why not?”

 

“Well, I’d think you’d need to know about softball, for starters.”

 

“I know about softball,” he pauses momentarily, reconsidering his statement. “Well, baseball. I know about baseball. Close enough for little league,” he says with a shrug.

 

June crosses her arms. “Falling asleep with the Blue Jays on TV doesn’t count,” she teases.

 

He looks at her for a moment as he resists the urge to smile. Finally he shakes his head. “I used to play. When I was a kid and a little in high school too. My dad would take me and my brother to Tigers games in the summer.” He looks down and smiles, remembering.

 

June smiles too as she files away another nugget of information about him, still loving every new thing that she learns. Baseball. He likes baseball. “So that means you were a Tigers fan then, hmm?”

 

He looks up, still smiling, and nods. “Yeah, of course. What about you?”

 

She steps towards him, eyes glittering with excitement, like she can’t wait to see how he’s going to react to her answer. “Red Sox.”

 

Nick groans and rolls his eyes and she starts to laugh as she swats at his chest playfully. Just as she expected. “What? I’m from Boston.” He gives her a look and she shrugs. “At least I didn’t say the Yankees,” she adds.

 

He shakes his head and looks at her seriously now. “I won’t do it if you don’t want me to. Or if you don’t think I should.”

 

She takes his hand and squeezes once, a reassurance. “You should do it.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Softball coach Nick Blaine ends up being a great idea, and when the first game is over, June can’t honestly tell who enjoyed it more - Hannah or Nick. After the game, June surprises Nick with a Tigers cap, telling him he needs to look the part as he runs his finger over the embroidered Old English D logo on the hat, smiling as he puts it on.

 

And then, within a few weeks, they fall into a rhythm. Practices on Monday afternoons and Thursday evenings, games on Saturdays. June makes it a point to come to every game she can, work permitting, watching from the stands with Holly on her lap as Nick patiently yet seriously gives pointers on batting stance and base running. He’s so good at it, a natural, always quick to offer a high five for a great catch or offer support after a loss, and June loves watching him, usually paying more attention to him than the game.

 

Sundays, though, Hannah and Nick usually end up in the backyard after dinner, Hannah eager to practice batting or fielding, and Nick unwilling to deny her either. This particular Sunday the weather is exceptionally nice, so after dinner, with Hannah insistent that she needs to practice her batting some more, the four of them head out back instead of just Nick and Hannah. June drags a lounge chair out into the grass sitting down with Holly on her lap, enjoying the warm summer air on her skin.

 

Hannan positions herself on one side of the yard as Nick settles himself a few feet away from her, adjusting the Tigers cap on his head as Rex waits eagerly next to him, tail wagging. He knows the routine now too, happy to play outfielder and fetch the ball after a successful hit, always obediently bringing the ball back to Nick for the next round.

 

“Alright, you ready?” Nick asks and Hannah nods, her face serious as she wraps her hands around the end of the bat. He tosses the ball and she swings - a miss. She tosses the ball back and they go again but the outcome is the same - a swing and a miss. Hannah scrunches her face, frustrated, as she tosses the ball back to Nick.

 

“Hey,” Nick says gently, “it’s okay.” He looks at her hands on the bat, spread wide apart. “Remember what we talked about at practice? Don’t put your hands too far apart. Keep them close together. You’ll control the bat better.” June smiles as she listens to him, so patient but still encouraging, eager to help Hannah better herself.  

 

“Oh yeah!” Hannah exclaims, looking at her hands. She changes her grip on the bat, bringing her hands close together and swings once, twice, smiling as she does.

 

“Better?” He asks and she nods, all business again, ready for the next pitch. One corner of Nick’s mouth turns up into a smile as he delivers the pitch. This time Hannah connects, sending the ball and the dog to the opposite end of the yard. The action gets Holly’s attention, who perks up from June’s lap.

 

“Ball!” She calls out, pointing her little finger at Rex, already trotting back to Nick with the softball in his mouth and June smiles, nodding, as she brushes Holly’s hair back. “Yeah, your sister did good, didn’t she?” She asks as Holly shifts, sliding down off June’s lap until her bare feet hit the grass under her. June sits up and leans forward, watching as she toddles away towards the action.

 

“Nick, you’ve got help coming,” June calls out, getting his attention just before he throws his next pitch to Hannah. He pauses, smiling as he watches the baby hurry towards him on her chubby little legs. He scoops her up when she gets close, and immediately she reaches for the softball in his hand. He shakes his head.

 

“I’ve got to throw it to your sister,” he explains to Holly, looking at her seriously, “we’re practicing.” He tosses the next pitch holding Holly against him and again Hannah makes another hit as Holly wiggles against Nick, wanting to be let down.

 

He stands her down on the grass and she toddles off in the direction of the ball and the dog, her little mind stubbornly set on getting her hands on the softball. She meets the dog as he’s on his way back to Nick and quickly he forgets about his task, instead dropping the ball at Holly’s feet, his favorite playmate. She grins as she squats down and picks up the ball with both hands. Rex watches her intently, tail wagging in anticipation as she tosses the ball with all her might for him to fetch, giggling as he runs away. Nick calls the dog’s name firmly, trying to get his attention, but it’s a lost cause, returning instead to the baby now that she’s in the yard, a distraction.

 

Nick sighs as he turns to look at Hannah apologetically. “We’ll finish later,” he promises. “Do you want to go play with them for a bit?” She makes a face but nods, knowing he’ll keep his word. She drops her bat and heads over to the baby and the dog, deciding to join their game of fetch.

 

June smiles as Nick pulls his glove off and makes his way across the yard towards where she sits. Hannah’s managed to get the ball now and she tosses it gently, both Holly and Rex taking off in chase of it this time.

 

“Your outfielder stopped listening to you,” June teases as Nick tosses his glove down in the grass next to her chair. “And here I thought you were such a good coach.” She smiles up at him as he shakes his head.

 

“Yeah, I guess I’ll have to send him down to the minors,” he jokes before he grabs another lounge chair, bringing it out in the grass and sitting it next to June’s, taking a seat next to her. She extends her hand to him and he takes it, intertwining his fingers with hers as they come to rest on the arm of her chair.

 

“This is nice,” June observes after a long moment, watching as the girls chase after the dog, the bright yellow softball in his mouth, Hannah calling out his name as he runs through the yard, Holly trailing behind the two of them, her laughter ringing out through the summer air.

 

Nick looks over at her, her attention still on the commotion in the yard, her face relaxed yet happy. Sometimes he still can’t believe he’s lucky enough to be here, to have all of this, to have his family. He smiles too.

 

“Yeah, it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect the next installment of this to come so soon but then Nick went and said he imagines him and June and their baby as a family all the time and my brain took that as validation that I'm doing something right with this series, so... this happened.
> 
> Shout out as always to my good friend Crystal, none of this would happen for her, because most of these little pieces start with us formulating some sort of idea as we chat (in this case, Nick coaching softball) and then they turn into something like this. For anyone not familiar with baseball, Nick's team is the Detroit Tigers, since we know he's from Michigan. June's is the Boston Red Sox, obviously. I'm not sure how MLB exists anymore in this world now that Gilead has happened but... I'm sure somehow it does, even if on a smaller scale and now with mostly Canadian teams, lol. 
> 
> Anyway, I'm sure these will keep coming so stay tuned! As always, I'm splitscreen on tumblr. :)


	4. Sandcastles and Sunscreen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick and June talked about being in Hawaii with Holly so I wrote about it. Hannah's there too, though, because... she should be.

“It’s lopsided.” June walks up behind Nick, flipping her sunglasses up to get a better look, squinting her eyes as she points. “And should that be falling down?” 

 

Nick scowls, leaning back away from his handiwork. He shakes his head. “It’s not falling down.” He scoops up another handful of wet sand and dumps it in a bucket, getting back to work.

 

“Nick, look at this side, it’s about to collapse.” June points at a section of the sandcastle, the sand drying and cracking in the hot sun, clumps of sand falling away. He scoops up a handful of wet sand and attempts to patch the section but it’s too late; as soon as he touches the delicate structure it gives way, half of the castle collapsing back to the ground. He drops his head, defeated. 

 

“Well, I lost my entire crew,” he says as he stands, brushing the sand off his swim trunks and motioning out towards the water where Hannah sits digging for seashells and passing them to Holly who stands next to her alternating between dropping Hannah’s finds in a plastic bucket and splashing her feet in the low tide. “Maybe we can try again later.”

 

He lets June lead him back to the plot of beach they’d staked out for themselves that morning, claiming it as their own with two beach chairs and more bags than Nick thought was necessary, something he was still learning. Kids came with a lot of accessories, especially on vacation. He sits down in one of the chairs and sighs, reaching into a bag and retrieving his sunglasses. He focuses his attention on the girls as June settles in next to him, Hannah and Holly both leaned in, heads close together, examining what must be a particularly interesting shell. He smiles, remembering how he and his brother used to dig for worms for their dad to use as bait when they’d go to the lake. Watching Holly with Hannah is always bittersweet for him - he loves that Holly has a sibling, someone she can look up to and that’ll be there for her, no matter what; but it also reminds him of how much he misses his brother, how much he wants him to know he’s an uncle now, how unfair it is he’s gone. He closes his eyes and leans back in his chair, letting the sound of the waves relax him.

 

“You ready to go back home?” June asks, catching him off guard. He misses her question, so he leans his head to the side to face her, opening his eyes.

 

“What?”

 

“Are you ready to go back?” June repeats herself, looking down and burying her toes in the sand. “Because I think I could stay a few more weeks, at least until the snow melts back home.” She looks at him and smiles as he considers his answer.

 

Home. They’re scheduled to fly back home, to Toronto, tomorrow afternoon. They’d only made the trek to Hawaii because, while the American embassy in Canada had been very helpful, there were still some legal hoops they had to jump through with Holly that could only be taken care of in a courthouse, on American soil. They’d had the choice between Alaska and Hawaii and there’d been no debate. While Nick would have loved whale watching and the Northern Lights, it had been a fantasy of beaches and sun that had gotten them both through the darkest times back in Gilead. It was a dream that needed to become reality, and so it had, against all odds. But Toronto was just a place for him. Sure, they had a house there, but home… home was here. Home was with June and Holly and Hannah. They were here and he was home. Finally, though, he shrugs.

 

“I guess I miss the dog,” he quips, one corner of his mouth turning up in a smile as June shakes her head. He can’t see her eyes from behind her sunglasses but he knows she’s rolling them. “But we can stay, if you want. We’ll figure it out.” He’s never denied her anything, and he doesn’t plan on starting now.

 

She sighs. “It’d be nice. But there’s work. And school.” She leans her head back against her chair. “One day.”

 

They fall back into a comfortable silence, Nick keeping close watch on the girls still playing near the water, willing his eyes to stay open, while June relaxes next to him. A few moments pass before he watches as Holly stands and turns to run towards him, moving as fast as her chubby little legs can carry her on the sand, Hannah trailing behind her, their bucket in her hands.

 

“Daddy! Daddy!” Holly yells as she gets closer to Nick and he leans forward, smiling. He never tires of hearing her call for him.

 

“What, sweetie?” He asks as she makes her way to him, putting one sand covered hand on his knee. Her other hand is at her side, clenched in a fist, holding something Nick can’t see.

 

“Look!”  She opens her hand to reveal a small bone white seashell, grinning from ear to ear as she holds it up and out proudly for her father to inspect.

 

“It’s very pretty. Is it for me?” Nick asks her and she closes her fist up tight again around the shell and pulls it against her chest, shaking her head.

 

“No, Daddy,” she says, her little voice as serious as she can make it. Next to him, he hears June start to laugh and he has to resist the urge to smile.

 

“We’re gonna decorate the castle with the shells,” Hannah says, matter of factly, finally making her way up the beach to them, setting the bucket next to the remains of their sand castle and scowling. “But what happened to it?”

 

Nick grimaces as she walks around the collapsed castle. “I was trying to patch it up and I made it worse, I’m sorry. We’ll fix it.”

 

Holly toddles over to June, eager to show off her shell to her mother, as Nick stands, moving to join Hannah as they both examine the sad remains of their sandcastle. Together, they begin mapping out a game plan to actually construct something they hope will remain standing. As they’re discussing the need for a moat - Hannah feels it’s necessary and Nick thinks it’ll make the whole thing more likely to collapse - they’re distracted by loud cries from June’s direction, where she has an unhappy and unwilling Holly in front of her, loudly protesting as June rubs sunscreen onto her flushed cheeks.

 

“I’ll go fill this with water,” Nick says to Hannah, drawing her attention back to him and away from the scene behind them as he bends over, picking up their other empty bucket. “Go ahead and start sorting your shells.” She nods eagerly and dumps the multicolored shells out in the sand as Nick makes his way back to June and Holly, still wailing loudly in protest as June rubs more sunscreen on her neck and shoulders. 

 

“I know, I’m sorry, I’m the worst,” June says to Holly, shaking her head as she smiles up at Nick. “Can you believe I don’t want her to get sunburned?”

 

“What’s wrong?” Nick asks, recalling how smoothly the first round of sunscreen application had gone when they’d arrived and curious to know why there was a problem now. 

 

“Oh, you know, just that she wanted to do it herself and I wouldn’t let her.” June says with a smirk as Nick shakes his head. He should have known, Holly is already incredibly stubborn and fiercely independent, completely her mother’s daughter in every way.

 

“Okay, baby,” June finally says, snapping the cap back on the sunscreen, “That’s it, you’re done.” Holly steps away from her indignantly, angry tears streaked on her cheeks as June leans back in her chair, calling for Hannah, telling her it’s her turn for more sunscreen. Sensing an opportunity, Nick steps over and swings Holly up into his arms as she squeals angrily again, pushing at his bare chest in protest, still wanting to be left alone, but he persists, settling on her against his side and bouncing her gently.

  
“Holly,” he says her name gently, his tone calm and even. “You’re okay. Mommy was just helping you.” She shakes her head, hiccuping as she rubs her eyes, still upset. He sighs as she continues to wiggle against him, wanting to be put down, until he remembers the sandcastle and the water and the plastic bucket, still dangling in the hand.

 

“Hey, do you wanna help me go get water so we can build a sandcastle?” He holds the bucket up for Holly to see and she stills against him, and he swears he can see her little mind working as she tries to figure out what she wants to do. He watches her, waiting patiently until finally, she nods almost imperceptibly.

 

“Yeah? You wanna help?” She nods more enthusiastically in response, the sunscreen ordeal seemingly forgotten as she turns her head to look out at the ocean. He leans in and kisses the side of her head as he makes his way down to the water.

 

When they reach the surf he stands Holly down, her face lighting up as her feet hit the cool water and the waves lap at her ankles. Nick smiles as he watches her, laughing as she attempts to jump over the waves that break at her feet. Sometimes it still feels surreal to him. He’s a dad. He has a family again. He gets to experience life with people he loves. It overwhelms him sometimes. They’d made it, they’d survived, and with each other. He lets Holly splash around for a few minutes, enjoying the moment, before finally he sighs, bending over and filling the bucket halfway with the ocean water.

 

“You ready to go build your castle?” He asks Holly who stops splashing and looks up at him, squinting her blue eyes as the sun shines in them. Nick makes a mental note to get her sunglasses out of their bag when they go back up. 

 

“Castle?” She parrots back at him and he nods, smiling proudly. June always tells him he’s biased, but he knows she’s smart. He holds his hand out to her and she carefully wades through the water over to him and takes it, her small hand grabbing onto two of his fingers as they head back up to June and Hannah. As they get close Holly lets Nick’s hand go, running to join her sister as Nick drops the bucket next to them, going to get Holly’s sunglasses from their belongings before joining Hannah to work. As he searches for them, he feels something tap his side, and he looks at June, holding the sunscreen out to him. 

 

“You too,” she says as he pulls Holly’s tiny black and white polka dotted sunglasses out of the bag. He gives her a look and she shakes her head. “It’s non-negotiable. You want to be sunburned for ten hours on an airplane tomorrow?”

 

He drops the sunglasses in his pocket and takes the sunscreen from her, liberally applying it to himself. “What about you?” He asks, as he rubs the lotion on the back of his neck.

 

“I took care of myself while you were in the water. Don’t worry about me.” He’s quiet as he closes the sunscreen back up. He doesn’t know how to not worry about her, the concept is foreign to him. “Have fun with the sandcastle.” She reaches into her bag and pulls out a book, smiling up at him as she takes the sunscreen back, crossing her legs and settling into her beach chair as she cracks the book open.

 

He makes his way back down to the girls, making sure to offer Holly her little sunglasses before he drops down into the sand. He asks her if she needs help putting them on, but she shakes her head, making sure to punctuate her independence with her favorite word -  _ no _ \- as she pushes the tiny frames over her nose, smiling proudly at him once they’re on her face. His smiles come easier these days as he matches her smile with one of his own, and the three of them get to work on their sandcastle.

 

Time passes quickly as they pack buckets with sand, Nick and Hannah doing the bulk of the construction work while Holly busies herself doing whatever small task they give her - usually filling buckets with sand or bringing them shells from Hannah’s collection. However, before long she tires of the castle and breaks off on her own, content to sit on her own and dig holes in the sand with a small plastic shovel. Nick’s deep in the middle of the final stages of their project, helping Hannah dig out the trench for the moat she wanted so badly, when Holly starts to cough, drawing his attention away from his task. He calls out to her, alarmed, but it’s too late, she’s already up and running to June, her little tongue hanging out of her mouth as she cries for her mother.

 

“What happened?” Hannah asks, looking back and forth between Nick, now standing and shaking the sand off his hands, and June, her book discarded as she leans forward in her chair, her sunglasses flipped up on top of her head as she looks at Holly with concern, both of her hands on her little arms, holding her still, trying to figure out the problem.

 

“I don’t know,” Nick says honestly. He can see June talking to Holly, but can’t make out what she’s saying over the sound of the ocean. He smiles at Hannah, not wanting to concern her. “I’ll go find out. If you finish digging we can fill it when I come back and hope we did it right.”

 

“I know we did it right,” Hannah says confidently as she nods, digging into the trench where Nick left off. “And tell Mom to come look since we’re done,” she adds excitedly. He nods and leaves her to finish as he slowly makes his way up to June. Holly’s now in her lap and she’s wiping her little face with the corner of a beach towel.

 

“Everything okay?” Nick asks as he approaches, he’d been concerned initially but now he’s more curious than anything, especially when June looks up at him, a smug look on her face.

 

“We’re fine now.” June brushes Holly’s dark curls back out of her face before she presses her face into June’s chest, still unhappy. “But she got sand in her mouth,” June says in her best  _ I told you so _ voice, looking at Nick expectantly as she rubs Holly’s arm soothingly.

 

He shakes his head in disbelief as he recalls the conversation from what feels like a lifetime ago. The memory hits him like a freight train, one of the only things he’s not actively tried to forget now playing back crystal clear in his mind. And based on June’s expression, he knows it’s playing in hers too.  _ All kids do it. She won’t. _

 

“Well, she’s still too smart,” he finally spits out, not knowing what else to say. “She figured out how to unlatch the baby gate before we left.” 

 

June laughs at his outburst and bounces Holly on her lap, getting her attention. “Holly, is that true? Did you figure out how to open your gate?” She lifts her head from June’s chest, a little smile forming on her face. She kisses the top of her head before pulling her back and looking down at her seriously. “You’re gonna drive your Daddy crazy.” 

 

Nick shakes his head as he watches them, his heart so full he feels like it might burst. He wonders if that’s a feeling that’ll ever fade and he suspects it won’t. Finally, he sighs. “The castle is done and Hannah wants you to come see it.” 

 

“Yeah, of course.” June nods as she stands with Holly, swinging her onto her hip in one swift movement. “Do you want to go see your sandcastle?” The question earns her an enthusiastic nod from Holly and together, the three of them make their way to Hannah to examine their afternoon’s hard work. 

 

The rest of the day passes in a blur, Nick and June taking turns splashing in the ocean with the girls, or helping them write their names in the sand, and before they know it, the sun is setting on the horizon, painting the sky brilliant shades of orange, pink and purple. Everyone’s out of the water and done playing in the sand now - Hannah sits sprawled across June’s lap, her long legs dangling over the arm of the chair and Holly sits curled sideways in Nick’s lap wrapped in an oversized beach towel, quietly playing with the fingers on Nick’s left hand as it rests across her small body, her head leaned against his chest, against his heart. He watches as she yawns, her little eyelids struggling to stay open.

 

“Holly,” Nick whispers, getting her attention. Her hands still at the sound of her name and he continues. “Did you have fun today?” She nods as she goes back to quietly wiggling the fingers on his hand. She yawns again and he pulls the towel tighter around her little body.

 

“Are you ready to go back home?”

 

“No,” she whines, clearly exhausted and cranky. “Here,” she says, indicating that she wants to stay right where she is, a quirk picked up from being repeatedly asked for her preferences back home, Nick never wanting to make a choice for her if he can’t help it.  _ Do you want to go to play in your room or stay here? Do you want to go with Mommy to get Hannah from school or stay here? _

 

“Okay,” Nick whispers as he rubs his thumb on his free hand up and down her arm. He glances over at June, whispering something he can’t hear to Hannah, who seems to be as sleepy as her little sister. She catches his gaze and smiles at him and he swallows hard, overcome with emotion, once again unable to believe this is his life now, that he gets to be with the people he loves. It means more to him than he can put into words.

 

“We’ll stay here.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... there you have it, 3,000 words of nothing but the fluffiest fluff. please, please, please let me know what you think! feedback is everything. 
> 
> also, just as a note, for this series i'm sort of operating on a belief that like... everything that's happened on the show still happened, except everyone made it out of gilead at the end of season two. so holly was still born in gilead, nick and june still had that conversation about hawaii in the kitchen. everything stays the same... except everyone (nick, june, holly, and hannah) made it to canada instead of just holly. 
> 
> anyway, find me over on tumblr at splitscreen! i'm almost always screeching about these two over there.


	5. Pancakes and Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i found a text post on tumblr that said this "one day you’ll wake up at 9:30am on a Sunday w the love of ur life and you’ll make some coffee and pancakes and it’ll all be alright" and decided i needed to turn it into another installment of this fic!

June’s disoriented when she wakes up in an empty bed to the sun shining directly in her eyes. She yawns as she sits up, blinking slowly as she shakes off the cobwebs of sleep. She can’t remember the last time she woke up after the sun was up. Between school and Holly, most mornings both she and Nick are both up well before the sun rises, wrangling a baby and a grade schooler through their morning routine. She leans over and fumbles for her phone on the nightstand, clicking the button on the side to wake the display, the bright white numbers telling her it’s 9:12 AM. 

 

She yawns again as she drops the phone back down, shaking her head as she stands. Sleeping until after the sun was up was strange enough; but, barring illness, the last time she slept until after nine must have been before Hannah was born. She looks back at the empty space in the bed next to her, confused as to how Nick didn’t wake her. He never does it on purpose, just like she never wakes him on purpose, but they’re both light sleepers. She had been up late the night before with Holly, but even on late nights she’s still usually up with everyone else. She straightens the covers on the bed before running her fingers through her hair, taming her bedhead before creeping out into the hallway.

 

The smell of coffee hits her nose as soon as she’s out of the bedroom and she takes a deep breath. Coffee is a daily staple in their house, so it’s no surprise Nick’s already got a pot going, even on a Sunday. She hears the TV playing softly from the living room, and what sounds like Holly babbling from the kitchen underneath it. Is everyone awake? How did she manage to sleep in? Hannah’s bedroom door is cracked open as she walks by, so she takes the opportunity to peek in, expecting the room to be empty. Instead, though, Hannah’s still sprawled on her bed, fast asleep on her stomach, one foot sticking out from under her purple and white striped comforter. June smiles as she watches her sleep for a moment before pulling the door almost all the way shut, knowing Holly can get loud at times and not wanting her to disturb Hannah. 

 

As she creeps closer to the kitchen, the low murmurs from the kitchen become more distinct. It’s Nick’s voice she’s hearing now under the television, not Holly as she’d expected. And as she hears cabinets opening and closing, one after another in rapid succession, she’s even more curious. What the hell is he doing? Things have quieted down by the time she steps into the kitchen and his back is turned to her as she enters. She doesn’t announce her presence, and instead just watches.

 

A bowl of batter rests on the counter, the carton of eggs and milk both open next to it, along with a box of Bisquick she didn’t even know they had. He holds Holly against his side and they’re both still in their pajamas - Nick in a grey shirt and green plaid flannel pants and Holly in a fuzzy white sleeper with little grey elephants printed all over it - complete with matching untamed hair, dark curls sticking out every direction on both of their heads. In his other hand is his coffee mug, and on the stove in front of him is what appears to be a pancake. Holly reaches for his mug as he brings it to his lips and he shakes his head.

 

“You won’t like it, I promise,” he tells her sincerely as he sets the mug down, trading it for a spatula. He leans in and kisses Holly’s cheek and she starts babbling at him as he looks down at the pan on the stove. 

 

“You wanna know the secret to making pancakes?” This is something he does frequently that June loves. He constantly narrates his activities to the baby no matter what he’s doing; he’s always talking to her, interacting with her however he can. It’s a far cry from the Nick she knew for so long in Gilead but it suits him, being a dad. She smiles as he continues, still unaware of her presence.

 

“My mom showed it to me. She used to make breakfast for me and Josh before we’d go to church,” he pauses momentarily, taking a deep breath. He still doesn’t talk about his family much - for all the ways he’s opened up to her now there’s some things she’s waiting for him to get around to really sharing with her - but she knows enough now to know he’s talking about his brother, that he loved him very much, and they were close.

 

“That’s your uncle,” he continues, “Josh.” He pauses again, gathering himself, before he looks at Holly and continues. “Anyway, he always slept in, but I was always up early, and I’d help Mom with breakfast sometimes, like you’re helping me now.” He stops his monologue and tickles her to punctuate the end of his sentence, earning him loud squealing giggles as Holly kicks her little legs in response. He laughs as he stops tickling, Holly settling back down, as he looks down at the pan on the stove.

 

“But the secret,” he leans his head down close to the baby’s, lowering his voice as she giggles again, putting one of her chubby hands on his face now that it’s so close to hers, “is that you have to wait until you see little bubbles in the middle of the pancake to flip it.” He points with the spatula at the pan, and Holly follows his direction. “Just like that. That means that side is done.” He slides the spatula under the pancake effortlessly, and in one fluid motion flips it over in the pan. 

 

“Maybe you can show me how to do the next one,” June finally says, taking a step into the kitchen so she’s in full view as Nick turns around to face her, surprised. “I’ve never been any good at making pancakes. I could never get them to flip without breaking.” She smirks as she walks closer to Nick and Holly, peering into the pan on the stove, a perfect round and golden pancake now cooking on its other side.

 

Holly starts babbling excitedly at June’s entrance, reaching her little hands out for her mother and Nick gladly hands her over, June kissing her cheek as she settles her on her side. “We didn’t wake you up, did we?” Nick asks, as he picks up his mug again now that he has a free hand. He looks at June apologetically. “I tried to keep her as quiet as I could so you could sleep.”

 

“No, you didn’t,” June says sincerely as she shakes her head, trying to smooth down Holly’s dark curls with her fingers. “I didn’t know you made pancakes. Looks good.” She looks away from Holly at Nick as he shrugs.

 

“It’s just pancakes,” he says sheepishly, taking a sip of his coffee. “I made a whole pot,” he tries to deflect, motioning towards the coffee maker. June sighs as she looks at him. He does so much for them and he never expects anything in return, even compliments. She leans up and kisses him. 

 

“Thank you,” she whispers against his lips. He looks surprised as she pulls away and she smiles at him as he nods, swallowing hard. He looks at June holding Holly, her little fingers twisted now in June’s hair as she babbles to herself, like he can’t believe they all exist here, together. 

 

“Isn’t your pancake going to burn?” June finally asks, nodding her head towards the stove as she untangles Holly’s fingers from her short hair, shifting her to her other side, looking at Nick expectantly. 

 

“The heat isn’t high enough,” he says, shaking his head, as he looks back down at the pan.

 

“That was my other problem,” June says as she moves towards the coffee pot. “I guess I always had the heat up too high, so they’d burn in an instant. I never figured it out.” She pulls out a mug and pours herself a cup of coffee as Nick flips the pancake off the pan, perfectly cooked, his mouth almost involuntarily flipping up into a half smile, allowing himself to feel pride in his accomplishment.

 

“I guess I’ll have to show you the secret too, then, if you’re really that bad,” he teases. “Wanna try the next one?”

 

Six perfectly made and one broken pancake later - even with Nick’s direction June was still unable to master the art of the pancake flip - June’s just getting Holly settled into her high chair when Hannah pads into the kitchen, sliding into her seat at the table, blinking sleepily into the middle distance.

 

“Good morning,” June says to her oldest child, who nods, yawning as she rubs her eyes. 

 

“Did you sleep well?” June asks, earning her another nod in response.

 

“Are you hungry?” Hannah nods a third time, before folding her arms on the table and laying her head down on top of them. June looks at Nick and rolls her eyes, shaking her head. She knows Hannah is slow to wake up in the morning so she doesn’t say anything about her lack of a response. “Well good,” she continues, “because Nick made us all pancakes. They’re almost ready.”

 

This gets Hannah’s attention. She lifts her head, looking directly at her mother. “But we don’t have syrup,” she says matter of factly. “I used it all up with my waffles, remember?”

 

From the recesses of her mind, June drags up a memory of Hannah tossing the empty syrup bottle earlier in the week, after a quick breakfast of frozen waffles and strawberries before school. She’s just about to say she’ll throw on her shoes and run to the store when Nick produces a brand new bottle of syrup from the pantry, dropping it down on the table in front of Hannah. 

 

“Okay, you must have been a Boy Scout,” June says in disbelief, looking up at Nick. He’s always prepared for everything, always anticipating their needs. He laughs under his breath as he nods.

 

“Five years. My mom thought it’d be good for me.” He retrieves the stack of pancakes from the counter and sets them down on the table, next to the syrup, Hannah eagerly taking one for herself. He brushes his hand over the top of Holly’s head as he takes his seat at the table. “I guess she was right. I never liked camping much, though.” He looks at Holly as he finishes his sentence and wrinkles his nose, earning himself a toothy grin and a fit of giggles. 

 

He looks back at June and smiles as she shakes her head, distracted as she monitors Hannah in case she gets too heavy handed with the syrup, while Nick begins cutting up a pancake into tiny bite sized pieces for Holly, dropping them onto the tray of her high chair. 

 

As June makes her plate, she watches as Hannah starts a game of peek a boo with her sister, Nick smiling contently as he eats his own breakfast, neither of them having the heart to tell her to stop playing and eat her breakfast. She finds herself wishing every morning could be like this, just the four of them, enjoying each other’s company, not a care in the world. She smiles too as she cuts into her pancake.

 

They have each other. Everything’s alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment, like, bookmark, etc. it honestly means the world to me when you do, and, most importantly, it inspires me to keep chugging along with this thing! as always, i'm splitscreen on tumblr so feel free to drop by and check me out over there too. :)


	6. Nyquil and Nighttime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June and Holly both have colds and Nick is doing his best to take care of them.

June wakes up in an empty bed, coughing and congested. She sits up, shaking off the cobwebs of her Nyquil sleep as she reaches over to the nightstand, grabbing her phone to see if it’s time for her to take more medicine. It’s day two of this cold for her, but day six of it in the house, and she’s more than ready to be rid of it entirely. Hannah had brought it home from school and first passed it to Nick; they’d both rebounded quickly, but now she and Holly had fallen victim to it at the same time. 

 

The clock on her phone tells her she’s an hour overdue for her next dose, but when she reaches for the bottle Nick had left for her that afternoon - telling her to rest while he looked after Holly - it’s nearly empty, the little amount left in the bottle not enough for a full dose. She closes her eyes as she tries to breathe through her nose unsuccessfully, weighing her options - getting up for more medicine or trying to sleep through her symptoms. But one coughing fit later, her body makes the decision for her, she’s going to have to get up. She tosses the covers back, frustrated - if she could find out who let their kid come to school with a cold, she’d have some choice four letter words for them.

 

She slowly makes her way to the bathroom, fumbling around, bleary eyed, trying to find the new bottle of Nyquil she knows they have in the medicine cabinet, swearing as she knocks over Nick’s deodorant; the plastic container clattering loudly as it bounces off the counter and hits the floor. She picks it up and returns it where it belongs, pushing aside Hannah’s allergy medicine and finally locating the cold medicine. She coughs again as she rips off the safety label but pauses before she twists the cap off, turning her head towards Holly’s room.

 

Music _. _ She swears she hears music playing softly from the direction of Holly’s room. It sounds familiar, like a song she’s known her whole life, but between her stuffy head and the distance, she can’t actually make out what it is. Curious, she sets the bottle down on the counter and pulls her sweatshirt tighter around her frame, padding slowly out of the bathroom and towards the baby’s room and as she gets closer, the guitar riff and strings are unmistakable. It’s definitely music, and she definitely knows the song.

 

She can’t remember the last time she used Holly’s rocker, the need for it diminishing now as she gets older, but Nick’s sitting in it with her as she steps tentatively into the room, not wanting to draw attention to herself. He’s rocking gently with Holly sitting on his lap, her chest pressed flush against his, one leg on each side of his body. She’s been changed out of the sleeper they put her to bed in, and now she wears just a diaper and a purple shirt with colorful dinosaurs printed all over it - something Hannah had insisted her sister needed that June couldn't deny her. Nick doesn’t notice her presence, his focus solely on Holly as he watches her; her head rests against his chest but it’s angled up so she can look at him too, his lips pressed together in a smile as he continues to rock slowly to the rhythm of the music, playing softly from his phone on top of Holly’s dresser.

 

June knows the last thing she needs to do with this cold is cry, but as she watches Nick’s hand rub their daughter’s back gently, his smile not faltering, her heart swells so much she doesn’t know how she’ll be able to stop it. She’d always known he’d be an amazing father, but sometimes it still blows her away how perfectly suited he is for it, how he so easily fell into the role of dad - his kind heart and gentle nature making him a natural in every way. He never takes it for granted, and neither does she.

 

She thinks she’s just managed to get her emotions in check, successfully swallowing the lump in her throat, when the music crescendos and Nick starts to sing the next verse so softly to Holly she can barely make out that what he’s doing, the words meant only for their daughter.

 

“ _ I don’t need no money, fortune or fame, _ ” he sings softly, his voice barely above a whisper, as his hand continues to rub Holly’s little back as she coughs once. “ _ I got all the riches, baby, one man can claim.” _

 

She’s not surprised that he’s singing to Holly. She’d first caught him doing it about a year ago, over the baby monitor, when Holly had been teething. She hadn’t known the song that time – something about being there always – but she’d never really asked him about it or caught him in the act. One of the earliest things she’d learned about Nick, back when he was visiting her at the Boston Globe, was that his mom had been a music teacher – he’d taken piano lessons until he was nine. And while June’s preference in the mornings was to keep the television on in the mornings for background noise, his was music – he loved it, he grew up with it. He’d also told her once that was one of the most unexpectedly difficult things about Gilead for him – that he couldn’t turn on the radio whenever he wanted and drown out the world. She knows music is special for him, and she loves that he shares it with Holly.

 

But standing here, watching him hold their daughter and sing to her, comforting her, loving her – she wishes she could bottle this moment up and hang onto it forever. She remains quiet, watching as he continues.

 

“ _ I guess you’d say what can make me feel this way?”  _ He smiles even wider before he carries on with the tune, brushing a stray lock of Holly’s dark hair off her cheek and behind her ear. “ _ My girl.”  _ The corner of Holly’s mouth turns up into a sleepy smile as he sings the titular words to her and June suspects this isn’t the first time she’s heard this particular song – this is something they’ve shared before.

 

She clears her throat as the song fades out and that finally gets Nick’s attention. He looks up at June as he continues rocking. “Hey,” he says softly. “You okay?” She watches as Holly’s eyes flutter over to see who he’s talking to but she doesn’t lift her head from Nick’s chest and June feels something pull in her heart. She hates that Holly has this same cold too and doesn’t feel well. The whole energy of the house changes without her lively personality always keeping them on their toes. She nods as she steps into the room.

 

“Yeah, I just needed more medicine. I’m still a little congested.” She’s quiet for a moment before she smiles playfully, nodding towards his phone that’s now quiet. “Loved the song choice.”

 

His cheeks flush as he looks back down at Holly, still resting against him, her eyes now fighting a losing battle with sleep since her song is over. He shakes his head as he looks back up at June. “Yeah, it was one of my dad’s favorites.”

 

June nods as she smiles at him, so sentimental sometimes she can’t believe it. “Good choice.” She comes further into the room, right next to the rocker now, kneeling next to the chair so she can look at Holly’s face. She smiles at her as she smooths her hair back. “Hi, baby.”

 

Holly blinks at her in reply and June scowls in concern, looking up at Nick. “How is she?”

 

“Not great, but better,” he replies. “Her fever broke, I think. She sweat through her pajamas, I had to change her.” He sighs. “I hate seeing her like this.”

 

June nods as she turns her attention back to Holly. “Do you still feel yucky, baby?” This earns her a small nod in reply and June nods back at her. “Yeah? I’m sorry.” She puts her hand on top of Nick’s, still on Holly’s back, holding her close.

 

“Daddy takes good care of you, though, doesn’t he?” Holly nods again and the corners of June’s mouth start to turn up into a smile. “You love him a lot, don’t you?” Holly nods again in reply, almost imperceptibly this time as her eyes flutter closed and stay that way, finally succumbing to sleep.

 

“Yeah,” June replies easily, turning her attention up to Nick, looking at her now in that way that makes her feel like she’s the only person in his world that matters. “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! so this is easily the fluffiest thing i have ever written and i hope everyone was prepared. there is a whole long and convoluted story for how this idea popped into my head, but basically i ended up listening to my girl by the temptations in the car at the end of a bad day and my brain decided an appropriate coping mechanism was to come up with this image. 
> 
> anyway, the song nick was singing was my girl by the temptations in case anyone doesn't know, and the song i had june remember him singing was always by andy grammer. 
> 
> as always, i'm splitscreen on tumblr, let me know what you think!


	7. Reindeer and Snowmen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas Eve and Nick has a lot of feelings about it. I'm bad at these little chapter summaries but y'all know the premise by now.

“Daddy, what about the reindeers?”

 

Nick’s eyebrows cross together in confusion as he rises from the edge of Holly’s bed. “What reindeer, sweetie?”

 

“Santa’s,” Holly says, wiggling under her blankets as a long yawn escapes her lips, looking at Nick expectantly. He shakes his head slightly, still not tracking the course of the conversation.

 

“What about Santa’s reindeer?”

 

“Do they have a snack?”

 

What? He has no idea what they’re talking about anymore.

 

“Do the reindeer have a snack?” He tries to mask his confusion as much as he can.

 

Holly nods excitedly, and finally he feels like they’re getting somewhere, even though he doesn’t know where that somewhere is. He runs his mind through the story he just finished reading her as he puts the book back on her shelf, thinking maybe that’s what she’s asking about, but he comes up blank. He feels like a kid who just got called on to answer a question in class with no preparation. He’s lost.

 

“What snack, Holly?”

 

She releases a short puff of air through her nose as her lips draw together in a line - frustrated because she’s tired and because she’s not being understood. If Nick wasn’t so confused he’d laugh at how much her expression made her look like June. “When Santa comes he has cookies! What about the reindeers?”

 

_Oh._ Christmas Eve. Cookies for Santa. Reindeer. The fog slowly starts to lift. “You want to leave cookies out for the reindeer too?”

 

She shakes her head. “No, Daddy,” she replies seriously. “Reindeers don’t eat cookies.”

 

He sighs as he sits back down on the edge of her bed, knowing he should just tell her it’s time to sleep but not having the heart to do it. He smiles slightly at her. “Oh yeah? What do they eat then?”

 

She starts to reply but then pauses, considering her answer. “Umm…,” she hums, closing her eyes as she thinks before finally they pop back open. “Spaghetti!” She proclaims with a giggle, grinning up at Nick, causing Nick to finally lose his battle with laughter too. Her imagination surprises and amazes him every day.

 

“They eat spaghetti?”

 

“Yeah, for dinner.” She looks at him seriously now and he knows he has to switch gears quickly before she asks him to go make a pot of spaghetti to leave out for the reindeer. He clears his throat as he smooths her blankets down, glancing at his watch. It’s half an hour past her regular bedtime, and as much as he’d love to sit up discussing the dietary habits of reindeer, she needs to get to sleep.

 

“You know, I bet a lot of other houses left them spaghetti, so why don’t we leave them breakfast instead? What about if I put some Cheerios out for them?”

 

She sighs heavily, not thrilled with his suggestion, but she nods anyway as she yawns again, and bigger this time. He smiles at her as he reaches out and brushes her hair back off her face. “Okay, it’s way past your bedtime. Santa’s close, remember when Hannah showed you?” They’d spent the evening keeping tabs on Santa’s whereabouts using a Santa tracker on Hannah’s tablet, and even though Hannah had long been in on the secret with Santa, she loved helping to keep the magic alive for her little sister. Holly nods again as she blinks heavily. Nick can tell she’s fighting sleep and he knows the only way she’s ever going to get there is if he leaves. He leans over and kisses her forehead before he finally rises from her bed. “Night, Holly Bear. I love you.” He never misses an opportunity to tell her that.

 

“Love you too.” Holly says, her voice muffled as she burrows down into her bed, finally giving Nick the opportunity to make his exit, making sure to switch on her nightlight before he steps out of the room.

 

He closes Holly’s bedroom door behind him with a smile and a shake of his head, pausing at the door momentarily, listening to make sure all stays quiet behind her door. When he’s satisfied she’s going to stay put, he makes his way back into the living room, empty and quiet now, except for the sound of Christmas Vacation playing from the TV at a low volume. He sits down with a heavy sigh, trying to focus on the movie, but instead finds his eyes drawn to the mantle and their stockings.

 

So much had changed over the last few years but the stockings they had were still the same ones June had haphazardly thrown together for the four of them their first hectic year in Canada, while they were still trying to figure out how they all fit into each other’s lives. Four bright green felt stockings, with their names written across the top in gold glitter glue. June, Nick, Hannah, Holly. He remembers how he’d felt when he’d come in and seen them that first time, his name there in the middle, like it belonged there. Like it had a home again. He feels the same way every year when June puts them up, every year saying they need to get new ones, better ones. He never tells her he wants to keep the old cheap ones when she says that, but they’re his favorite Christmas decoration.

 

From there, his eyes drift to the pictures above the stockings. Hannah at her first softball game. Nick on the beach with Holly on his shoulders from their trip to Hawaii, matching grins on their faces. Moira and June from her birthday the year before. His favorite though is one June had taken of the four of them earlier that year, on a day they’d been snowed in. She’d made them all cram into the frame as she took the picture selfie style and Hannah hadn’t been able to stop laughing as June tried, repeatedly and unsuccessfully, to get Holly to look at the camera. It’s blurry and June is the only one actually looking at the camera but everyone is smiling and it’s  _them_. And then, mixed among the new pictures are a few of the old. The picture of Nick and his brother sits among the newer frames, along with one June had pulled off of her old Facebook account of herself and her mom. It’s bittersweet but he loves to see them all together, even if it’s only next to each other in picture frames.

 

His eyes wander to their tree next even though it isn’t much, just a skinny artificial thing that was barely taller than he was, a real tree out of the question because of Hannah’s allergies. Multicolored lights run around the whole thing, glowing brightly against their mix and match of ornaments. There are plenty of the traditional solid colored orbs, but mixed in are a puppy wrapped in Christmas lights that Holly loved, a mermaid wearing a Santa hat chosen by Hannah, a Grinch chosen by June, and even one shaped like a little piñata that Nick had inexplicably been drawn to.  His eye catches the newest addition from this year, a tiny snowman made by Holly at school out of pipe cleaners, cotton balls and glitter and he smiles, already anticipating next year’s addition once she starts Kindergarten.

 

He’s pulled out of his thoughts by June padding into the room wearing one of his black undershirts with a pair of purple plaid lounge pants, her hair pulled back off her face in a low ponytail - the sight of her in his clothes still something that felt surreal to him even though she frequently slept in them. He smiles at her as she stops to check out the plate of cookies they’d left out for Santa right before he’d taken to Holly to bed. They’d bought a kit at the store and spent the evening decorating them.

 

“Who did the snowman? You or Hannah?” June asks after a long moment, looking up at Nick.

 

“I did,” Nick says tentatively. “Why?”

 

“Oh, nothing,” she shakes her head as she looks back down at the plate of cookies. “He just…” she trails off before she finally shrugs her shoulders, looking up at Nick, smiling playfully, “he just looks like he spent a little too much time in the sun, that’s all.”

 

Nick rolls his eyes as he starts to smile. “Well, it’s hard to concentrate when you’re trying to keep a four year old from eating all her icing.” He pauses for a second, remembering something, before he continues suddenly. “Hey, remind me to put some Cheerios on that plate before we go to bed.”

 

June’s expression changes to one of bewilderment, and she looks at him like he’s grown a second head before she shakes hers, deciding against asking him to explain his odd request. Instead, she bends down and picks up a small candy cane striped gift bag sitting by the Christmas tree, and now it’s Nick’s turn for the confusion to creep in. How long had that bag been there? He doesn’t remember it. He looks at June, puzzled, as she sits down on the couch next to him.

 

“Here,” she holds the bag out to him. Now he’s even more confused. They’d made a decision two years prior to focus on the girls at Christmas and not do gifts for each other. She wasn’t supposed to get him a gift. He doesn’t have one for her.

 

He shakes his head as he looks at her, but he doesn’t take the bag from her hands. “What’s this?”

 

“A present,” she replies plainly, still holding the bag out, persistent. “Take it.”

 

He doesn’t move, his eyes shifting from the bag to her face. “I didn’t get you anything,” he says, feeling anxiety bubble up inside him. Rationally he knows June won’t care that he doesn’t have anything for her, but irrationally he feels unprepared, wishing he could press pause on the situation and go pick out a gift for her too.

 

“I know, it’s fine,” June says, finally dropping the bag on his lap, tired of holding it out to him. He looks down at it suspiciously before looking back up at June - the bag is light, whatever’s in there doesn’t weigh much. She rolls her eyes as he still doesn’t touch the bag. “Nick, it’s not…,” she shakes her head, not wanting to give away the surprise. “Just open the damn present.”

 

He releases a frustrated breath, giving June a look before he puts his hands on the gift, already running through different things he can do to make this up to her somehow. He knows he shouldn’t feel irritated as he pulls the tissue paper out of the top of the bag, but he almost can’t help it. Finally, he gets down to the gift, peering inside trying to see what it is before he pulls it out and... it doesn’t look like anything. He glances at June, confused, but she’s smiling expectantly as she watches him, so he knows he hasn’t tossed whatever he was supposed to find to the side with the tissue paper on accident. He sticks his hand inside the bag and comes out with a rolled piece of white cotton fabric, the soft texture reminding him of the cloths he uses out in the garage when he’s detailing their cars.

 

His confusion gives way to disbelief as he lets the fabric unroll itself so he can see it’s not just a scrap of cloth, it’s a tiny long sleeved onesie with the words  _My First Christmas_  printed across it in red letters, the letters in Christmas decorated festively - the C wears a Santa hat, the I made of candy cane, the T wears reindeer antlers. He feels his breath catch in his chest as his heart drops into his stomach, the realization of what this is hitting him like a freight train.

 

He thought he’d be prepared. They’d been trying, they’d made the choice together at the start of the summer that they wanted to try for another baby, but half the year had come and gone with no luck. He always figured if it happened, the news wouldn’t blindside him again - they’d been trying and so he’d expect it. But nearly six years later, he feels just as stunned and speechless as he had been the first time he’d received this news. He tears his gaze away from the onesie and looks over at June, now smiling widely at him.

 

“Really?” He manages to pull himself together to get one word out on the back of a dazed exhale as June nods in affirmation.

 

“I took a test this morning, there was still one left from a few months ago. But I wanted to be sure, so I stopped and got that and another test on my way to get Hannah from Luke’s. I took it while you were putting Holly to bed.” She motions back toward their bedroom with her thumb. “It’s still in there if you want to see.”

 

He shakes his head in disbelief as he looks at her, feeling his mouth start to turn up into a smile as he looks back down at the onesie in his hand. He feels June lean in against him, pressing herself close against his side, resting her chin on his shoulder.

 

“I think it should be the right size for next Christmas,” she says after a long pause, lifting her head and smiling at Nick again.

 

Next Christmas. Just as he felt like he was starting to catch his breath again, the realization that the future isn’t something to fear anymore practically knocks the air of of his lungs again. Their future is bright and hopeful now - something he knows he’ll get to experience, not something he only hopes will exist with him in it. Next Christmas they’ll still all be here, together, and they’ll have welcomed a new family member.

 

He turns his head to look at her, overwhelmed with how much he loves her, how lucky he feels that she loves him too, that in spite of everything, they’re sitting here on Christmas Eve, knowing that they have the next one to look forward to, now with another baby. What can he say that would come close to letting her know the true depth everything he feels? He doesn’t know and he’s never felt like words were enough. Instead, he leans in and kisses her, dropping the onesie in his lap as his left hand comes to rest against her stomach, drawn there as if by magnetic force. His right hand then finds its way to the side of her face as their lips break apart but their foreheads come together, resting against one another.

 

“I love you,” he whispers the words with every ounce of love he has in his heart, his hand still on her cheek, his thumb rubbing gently against her skin. He’s never meant them more - everything he is, everything he has, it’s all because of her.

 

“I love you,” she says back softly, the words still music to his ears. “Merry Christmas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! i was going to wait until closer to christmas to post but i kept going back and editing and tweaking and i knew if i didn't just post it, i would eventually reach a point where i hated every word and rage deleted the whole thing so... christmas came early! 
> 
> also this fic is now over 10,000 words, can you believe it? i can't! thanks for all the comments, kudos, and everything! it means the world to me to know this is well received and so many other people enjoy this ship like i do. :)


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